How To Install a Poor-man's Security System
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of used men's work boots, a really big pair.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of 'Guns and Ammo' magazine.
Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in a ½ hr. Don't disturb the pitbulls; they've just been de-wormed."